5 Steps To An Abundant Life

January 19th, 2011 Elisabeth

What do you believe? Your thoughts make up your world, your life, your reality.

The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops into habit;
And habit hardens into character;
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all beings…
As the shadow follows the body,
As we think, so we become.

Buddha, Dhammapada

If you think you don’t have enough, you won’t have enough. I was reminded of that fact as I read the business section in the newspaper. I was reading about special savings accounts that help break poverty’s cycle. The article began with a case history of Dametria Williams. She attributed her turn-around to two things: a new attitude and the special savings account (read the full article here http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-0704-perfin-20100704,0,6778690.column ).

“I used to walk through the world thinking there is never enough,” she said. “There was not enough money; there is not enough food; there is not enough time.

“When you are in the mind-set of thinking there is not enough, you aren’t even looking for help. But when you realize that there is enough – that money is a manageable tool – you start to see what help is available to you.”

If you focus on what you don’t have – that is what you will get. As you go throughout your day, you are preoccupied with what you are missing. So when an opportunity presents itself, you won’t see it as opportunity. Like Ms. Williams when she was in her “not enough” mind-set, she didn’t have enough money to save any. Heck, she didn’t have enough to pay the bills! When she first saw the special savings account offer, she didn’t see it as an opportunity to get her out of poverty. She had the change of attitude and is on her way out of poverty for herself AND her daughter. All by a shift in attitude!

To help you shift your attitude into the “abundance” gear, here are five steps to an abundant life.

1. You Choose What You Believe

Everyday, you wake up and choose to believe something. You choose to believe it’ll be a great day, or that you “woke up on the wrong side.” It is not what you are that will hold you back. It is what you think you are not, that will. What you believe to be true is what will happen to you. Believe good things and good things will happen. Actions come from belief. You will act in a manner that is consistent with your innermost beliefs. You believe you don’t have enough money, you won’t see the offer of help. It IS that simple.

What will you choose to believe today? Tomorrow when you awaken? Change your mind and you change your world.

2. It Isn’t Black or White, Good or Bad

When life happens to us, we tend to label the incident. It was a “good time” or it was a “bad day” on Tuesday. In hindsight, maybe it was neither. It was just “life.” Sometimes what seems bad at the time may not be so bad later on. If you didn’t buy a house in the last four years, maybe that is a really good thing for you today.

When we are in the midst of life’s messiness, things can become distorted by an apparent crisis. Take a step back. Use a wider perspective. Don’t just look at the fragments in front of you. Notice what is actually happening without labeling or judging. This will give you a completely new operating perspective.

3. Deciding To Act

Life, in all its glorious shades of gray, has just happened to you. What’s a person to do? You can’t jump ahead a year and use hindsight. How do you make a decision? You do the best you can with what you know at the time. Then you act. Once you have made the decision to act, possibilities will open up. Your decision to act will be backed up by your belief in your decision, thus you will see possibilities and offers of help you may not have noticed before.

Only hindsight will tell you if this is the best decision for you. Do not listen to others. Do not second guess yourself. The experience and life lessons you will learn based on this decision will help to develop and refine your gut reaction or intuition to future decisions. The more you hone this skill, the more confidence you will gather.

Look at what you know. Look at what is missing. Look at the whole situation from different angles. Look at the parts from different angles. Visualize various outcomes: worst case, best case, and all the rest in between. What is real? What is “False Expectations Appearing Real”? All problems have solutions. Trust your intuition.

4. Think Vs. Feel

Feel your feelings. We are emotional beings who think. One third of our brain is still primitive and operates totally on feelings. This is scientific fact. Your ‘flight or fight’ adrenaline rush comes from your limbic brain. That is raw emotion. Deal with it. If you try to ignore or stuff your feelings into a box, they pop out at unexpected times in what can be overwhelming amounts. That is not good for anyone. You can’t think your way out of an emotional problem. Sometimes, you can feel your way out of a rational, thinking problem. That is the power of feelings. Use this power to your advantage.

It is when you acknowledge and deeply understand your feelings, will you begin to know yourself. It can be difficult to feel our feelings when they are sadness, hurt or anger. There is so much value in them. Without sadness, you wouldn’t know what happiness was. If you never were hurt, you wouldn’t know pleasure. If you didn’t know anger, you wouldn’t know peace.

There is a secret here. To learn your feelings, sit quietly with your eyes closed. Take a few deep and slow breathes. Feel your feelings, but do not become carried away by them. Feel the sadness in a situation. Detach from it. Observe it. What does this sadness make you want to do? Is there a better response? When you can identify your feelings without becoming the feeling, you are demonstrating a certain mastery of your life. By becoming a student of yourself, you will learn much. This in turn, will give you more access to yourself. This deepens your reserves so that when challenges arise, you are better able to cope and provide a better response for your life. This is a fabulous skill to develop. It only takes practice to develop.

The next time you feel something, pause and breathe. Really notice the feeling. What is it? Hurt or sadness? Anger or resentment? Frustration or annoyance? What do you learn? What insights does this give you? What is really going on here? Do you need to do anything other than what you are doing? Use this knowledge to grow and live your life with greater ease and freedom. That is what insight really is – seeing inside ourselves.

Acknowledge when you follow your intuition. Say to yourself, “I listened, I acted and it worked.” Repeat. As you develop this part of yourself, you are actually multiplying abundance.

5. When the Student Is Ready, the Teacher Appears

As you understand who you are, you will also begin to see what you really want. Then, you will see the abundance all around you, because you are ready to see it. You have shifted your attitude towards abundance. Henry David Thoreau said, “”It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” See the abundance all around you.

I am going to end with a series of quotations. This is to reinforce that other great thinkers have these same beliefs and know (and feel) them to be true.

“Accept yourself as you are. Otherwise, you will never see opportunity. You will not feel free to move toward it; you will feel you are not deserving.” – Maxwell Maltz

“There’s a saying among prospectors: “Go out looking for one thing, and that’s all you’ll ever find.” – Robert Flaherty

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” e.e. cummings

“We are constantly invited to be who we are.” – Henry David Thoreau

“We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are.” – Max Depree

“Man becomes that of which he thinks.” – Upanishad Proverb

“Change your thoughts, and you change your world.” – Norman Vincent Peale

“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.” – William James

This Week’s Coaching

As you go about your week, notice your feelings. Ideally, twice a day, sit quietly with your eyes closed. Take a few deep and slow breaths. Feel your feelings, but do not become carried away by them. Detach from the feeling. Observe it. What does it make you want to do? Is there a better response? Identify your feelings without becoming the feeling. Develop a level of mastery of your life. By becoming a student of yourself, you will learn much. The more you practice, the higher level of mastery you will develop. Enjoy the greater ease and freedom you will have in your life.

I’m curious, what do you notice? What helps you? What are your challenges? Send me an email, or enter a comment below and let me know how this exercise works for you. I’d love to know. Thanks!

All things are possible,

Elisabeth

Elisabeth Adler-Lund

Executive and Life Coaching

Telephone: 916 • 803•1494

E-mail: eal@EALCoaching.com

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The Great Fullness of Life

December 9th, 2010 KarenNewquist

Gratitude, Great Fullness, and Thanks Giving

At a recent International Coach Federation conference, author and activist Lynne Twist discussed societal attitudes towards money. She touched on how our personal beliefs around scarcity, sustainability, and sufficiency offer insight into our own lives.

At one point, Lynne was asked to describe the difference between gratitude and gratefulness.  She explained that gratitude has two branches. The first is gratefulness – and gratefulness is the act of fully experiencing the great fullness of life. As a person fills-up on life’s great fullness, he  or she begins to overflow into the second branch – that of thanks giving. In thanks giving, we are grateful that there are others with whom we can share our bounty, our abundance, our joy, our peace . . . our GREAT fullness of life.

As Lynne continued to speak, I could feel a lump in my throat. I could feel tears of joy wanting to spring forward. She was eloquently putting into spoken words a concept I had, behind the scenes, been passionately working on over the past several years.**

You see, too many busy working adults who, by all accounts, appear prosperous and happy are actually dealing with internal emptiness and confusion. Underneath their successful images are souls yearning for more satisfaction in life.

If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, hang in there while I attempt to explain a “life of purpose and direction” through the Abundance Gap.

Closing The Abundance Gap

If I might describe you, I’d venture to guess that you’re gainfully employed or have your own business. Over the past 20 years (or more) you’ve increased your financial prosperity and you have abundance in life’s materialistic pleasures. For instance, you probably have an apartment or home, a car or two, television(s), computer, furniture, clothing, plenty of food to eat, savings account, and money going towards retirement. I would even venture to guess you have enough income to take vacations from your work life. Succinctly put, your prosperity has increased over the past 20 years.

Now, let’s take a look at how satisfied you are with what your life has become. I won’t attempt to describe you in this area. Instead, let me toss out some questions and see if any of them hit home.

  • Do you feel empty inside?
  • Is something missing?
  • Are you searching for meaning to your life?
  • Did you sell out for financial security?
  • Do you want happiness, but can’t seem to find it?
  • Are you experiencing recurrent thoughts in any of these areas: Resentment, jealousy, fear, revenge, confusion, ‘that’s just the way it is’, worry, anxiety, blame, struggle, hopelessness, hurt, separateness, scarcity, never enough?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, or any similar thoughts, then you may be experiencing what many working adults are facing. While your financial and materialist Prosperity has increased over the years, your personal Life Satisfaction has not kept pace. This gap between Prosperity and Life Satisfaction is illustrated below as the Abundance Gap.

Prosperity helped to create your image and lifestyle. Through Prosperity, you are living, as a popular 1970’s television sitcom described, the “good life.” While the good life is nice, over the years you may have experienced an increased sense that something is missing.

For some people, that missing something is their connection to God. For others, it’s a connection to their inner wisdom – their soul. Still others are missing a spiritual connection (“spiritual” has different meanings to different people). Possibly you’re feeling trapped in your current situation; or, life has become a rat race for you; or, life is routine and boring; or, life’s difficulties have hardened you and the “hits” keep on coming. Whatever your situation, your Abundance Gap may have become too large to tolerate any longer.

When you choose to close the gap between Prosperity and Life Satisfaction, you embark on a highly personal, emotional, and rewarding journey – a journey that draws you toward living a meaningful and rewarding life each day.

You begin to live your life with purpose and direction. Truth, compassion, trust, joy, peace, happiness, acceptance, forgiveness, wholeness, connection, sufficiency, integration, courage,freedom, possibilities, fun – these, and so much more, become a way of life for you.

With my heart in the place of wanting more in life for you, let’s return to Lynne’s concept of experiencing the GREAT fullness of life.

Living In Life’s Great Fullness

The adrenaline-filled excitement of skydiving, tears of joy when witnessing new life, pride as you’re handed the keys to your new home, peaceful calm while watching the sun rise over the mountain tops – these are all moments of great fullness. On a Great Fullness scale of 1 – 10, you might rate these all around 9 or 10. These moments are fulfilling in a grand way. They’re easily recognizable as moments you want to remember and cherish.

But, how about your everyday life – would you say it’s full of moments to add to your Great Fullness of life? Absolutely! In fact, your everyday life is where you truly experience the fullness of your life. Every day is full of privileges. Every day is full of miracles.

Think about it. If you were to grab a pencil and paper and started jotting down all the privileges and miracles today has brought you, you would fill pages. If you have a child, you can easily fill a page or two. If you have a roof over your head at night, another page filled. If you have a job … if you have plenty of food, that you think of dieting … if you are a cancer survivor … if you have your eyesight to help you get about during the day . . . and the privileges and miracles go on and on.

So I ask you, this cool winter day in December, to choose to live your life to GREAT fullness. You can start by simply noticing the privileges and miracles that come your way throughout the day. I suggest you keep a daily gratitude journal. You’ll be pleasantly pleased to find when you focus on privileges and miracles, more of the same show up for you.

As you continue to experience life’s great fullness, allow yourself to fill up with the riches. Fill to overflowing. And, allow yourself to be moved in your own special way to share your abundance with the world around you.

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Live IN The Journey, Not For The Destination

December 7th, 2010 KarenNewquist

Mary Anne came to me when she felt totally “trapped.” She had achieved many of her life goals –successful career, financial stability, beautiful home, and a healthy & functional family. She knew she should be happy and enjoying her financially comfortable lifestyle.  Instead, she felt exhausted, under appreciated, and internally hollow.

She was tired of feeling like all decision-making responsibilities at work and home fell onto her shoulders. Her daily life ran according to her scheduled calendar, and she found it hard to relax even if she scheduled pampering time for herself. She repeatedly described herself as exhausted and alone. She wanted a way out, but didn’t know what to do.

When I asked Mary Anne what she truly wanted, she told me she wanted security that she won’t lose what she had attained. She wanted to enjoy her life. She wanted to feel alive.

If you, or someone you know, is feeling “trapped” by family responsibilities, work life, or something else out of personal control, then take heed. There is relief. You will need to make some changes. And, those changes begin within you. The first step involves expanding your presence beyond a linear plane lifestyle.

Are You Living On A Linear Plane?

Most people progress through life on a linear plane. Think of it like your life’s timeline. If you were to take a piece of paper and draw a straight line horizontally across the paper, the left end of this line is the beginning of your life and the right end of this line is your future. Somewhere along that line, is representative of your life today, right now. Your life timeline consists of three linear components:

  • That portion of the line that represents your past;
  • A bubble placed on the line to represent Now; and
  • That portion of the line that represents your future.

Logically, you would visualize a life timeline progressing from left to right, with the bubble representing Now moving toward the right as time progresses. Although you are always at the bubble of Now, your past and your future continually support you. For instance, you use past experiences or memories to help you develop beliefs, make decisions, and respond to situations.  You use your future to dream, set goals, and explore.

Learning from the past and working toward your future goals are a huge part of your life. Your future, whether 5 years, 10 years, or 20+ years, is where you hope to gain what you truly want.  It’s exciting and rewarding to experience progress toward your goals. Here’s where many people fall into the linear trap. They start living their lives for the future:

  • Someday, when I make it, I’ll be happy.
  • Someday, when I retire, I can relax and enjoy life.
  • Someday, when I get that promotion, I’ll enjoy my job.
  • Someday, when I can afford that new home, life will be good.
  • Someday, after the kids are gone, I’ll have time for my spouse.

Others may go in the other direction, living in their past:

  • Heartbreak is too painful, I won’t allow myself to be vulnerable again.
  • My college days were the best, I wish I could return to those carefree days.
  • Life’s always been a struggle, why should I expect different?
  • Being a recovering addict limits my potential.

In both the future and past living examples, attention is directed away from Now. All the while, as life progresses, Now continues to move along the life timeline. If you’ve fallen into the linear trap, past or future, your life’s journey is no longer an enjoyable adventure.

To break free of the linear trap, you must start living in Now. As you begin making choices for living Now, you will find that Now is more than a tiny bubble on your life’s timeline. Now is huge, and it’s of utmost importance.

When you are consciously present in Now, you go beyond the linear plane and move into a richer life with immense vertical depth. This is where you discover the beautiful layers of your own personal being. This is where you release bad habits, sincerely accept your emotions, and honestly stake a claim for what’s really important to you.

Go For Depth

One of the hardest things to do is to stay consciously present in Now. Here are three areas that you can start exploring to enhance your journey into Now:

  1. Free yourself from self-judgment and judgment of others. Having negative thoughts about yourself and judging others are both rooted in your past. You are comparing and making judgments based on past experiences and memories. You may be surprised at how often your thoughts are focused on judgment. Simply noticing your judgmental thoughts begins the freeing process.
  2. Connect with your inner truth. For many people, their mind monopolizes their every waking moment. Their minds are busy analyzing, strategizing, planning, whining, complaining, judging, daydreaming, etc., even as they lie in bed at night trying to fall asleep. Notice how your mind’s thoughts are focused on the past or future. Regular meditation and prayer can help to quiet your mind and bring you to Now. As you learn to release your thoughts, you will discover your inner truth within the space that is created.
  3. Accept what life brings you. You know the saying, “Life is not fair.” When you feel threatened, don’t allow yourself to go into automatic defensive, explanation, or blame modes. Instead, step back from the situation and accept the moment for what it is – just that, a moment in your life. Accepting the moment as it is allows you to slow down and connect with your inner truth. This doesn’t mean you roll over and do nothing. In contrast, as we learn to accept what has happened, our inner truth guides us on how to appropriately respond.

As you gain proficiency in these three areas, you’ll find a natural reduction in unconscious habits that create stress and negativity in your life. Fears will lose their grip on you, and you’ll gain more clarity and focus for your future. With time, you’ll begin to experience a sense of peace, joy, and harmony as your thoughts and actions align more fully with your inner truth.

And, most importantly, instead of working hard to some day attain satisfaction and happiness, you’ll find that a rich, fulfilling life can be had Now. When this happens, life becomes an adventure to enjoy.

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Fulfillment: Three Steps Towards Living a Life of Meaning

November 30th, 2010 Roberta Pickett

“I long for fulfillment!” This is a human cry for meaning and purposefulness in life. At the core of every human is the desire to be of value and to exist for a reason. When our actions or the totality of our life points to value, purpose, and reason, then we feel fulfilled. When our actions or the totality of our life points seemingly nowhere, then we feel depressed, discouraged, and despairing. The secret of fulfillment then is to make time and space in your day to day life for purposeful, meaningful activities. How do you do that? Find things that are in alignment with your values: those things that are most important to you as an individual: not what society says is important to you, but what your soul says is important. One person’s top values may be God, family, and nature. For another, financial security, community service, and integrity may be most critical. A third person may select learning, friends, and health as the three most important. Individual values are just that: individual. Not right or wrong. Not better or worse. They are unique to each person based on who you are.

So, Step One to fulfillment is knowing what your individual values are. Take time to make a list for yourself. This may include people, things, principles, philosophies, anything! What do you love? What makes you happy? What makes you feel successful? What don’t you want to live without? What has to be in your life for you to feel complete? Once you have made your list, then rank the items 1 to 10 (or however many you have on your list), with 1 being the MOST important. This is a difficult task, since all of the items are important to you. Then, rate yourself on these items. How well are you honoring each value in your life today? Give yourself a 10 if you are fully honoring a value and giving it time and expression in your life. Rate yourself less according to your inner knowing. Be honest. This is for you!

Step Two is to determine how to honor your values more in your life. For the items in Step One that you rated less than 7, imagine how your life would look if you were fully honoring this value. For example, if family is a high value of yours, but you rated yourself only at a 4, what would make it a 10? If 10 seems unattainable, what actions could you take or habits could you change to make it a 7? Would you spend more time with your family? Would you communicate in a different way with your children and spouse? Would you listen more and judge less? Would you hold your children to higher expectations? Once you can imagine what a rating of a 7 or more would be like, then commit to yourself to make a change. It doesn’t have to be a huge change – or it can be, but figure out what you want to do differently, figure out what you are willing to commit to, and start. Maybe it is telling each of your family members that you

love them as they walk out the door for school or work or play every day. Maybe it is revising your whole chores/allowance program. Maybe it is remembering to only talk 20% of the time in every conversation. Congratulations! You are on your way to FULFILLMENT with each and every action you take in honor of your values.

Step Three is to envision your life from a perspective above and beyond. Imagine that it is 20 years from now and you are living your life in accordance with all your values. Drink in what your life is like in that future place. Drink in what you are like, how you act, how you feel. Ask that Future Self of yours for advice. Ask him or her to tell you what you should focus on in the present. You may be surprised to hear the answer. Thank your Future Self for the message. What can you do to implement the advice of your Future Self? Take action and know that you always have that wise Future Self at your beck and call. The poet Kalidasa wrote: “ For yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision. But today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.”

Finally, know that living a life of meaning does not necessarily mean living a life of ease or continual happiness. The September 11th hero who urged “let’s roll” was not in the process of something easy, but it was clearly an action that gave his life meaning. Not all of us will be called to something so dramatic, yet each of us is called to fill our life full of meaning and purpose.

© Roberta G. Pickett

CenterPeace Coaching

(916) 984-6493

www.CenterPeaceCoaching.com

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Missed Opportunities

November 30th, 2010 davrude

Linus, famous thumbsucker of Peanuts’ fame, once said, “There’s no heavier burden then one’s
true potential.”

I have addressed the issue of being stuck many times in this forum and am constantly confronted by individuals who are stuck in their situations and lives. Even when presented with the opportunity to move away from their unhappiness and misery, many people will choose to remain firm in their conviction to be unhappy and living a less than full life.

As Linus suggests there is a burden attached to recognizing our potential. When we (finally) realize who we really are, what we are really supposed to be doing, where we are supposed to be, and all of our gifts, talents and possibilities it tends to create tension and anxiety. We become stressed and uncertain about ourselves when we are aware of our potential because we know, at that time, that something must be done. We realize that we must move away from where we are and begin to really live and to really experience life. This is upsetting to us because we have become so used to the chaos and numbness of our lives. Why rock the boat, right? Just because I have a job that I dislike, a partner (spouse) that I really don’t understand or care for, or a life filled with fear and confusion doesn’t mean I should move towards happiness and peace.

Learning to recognize just who we are and what we are capable of doing for ourselves and others should be an awesome and incredibly wonderful experience. I know it was for me. But, as I have suggested for many it causes fear and stress (and it requires work and effort). Many students have asked me why I teach and I always respond “because I have no choice.” That is, if I listen to my mind and heart I know that teaching is what I am supposed to do, it is one of my gifts and I am very fortunate to recognize that. Why would we not allow ourselves to be true to our inner nature? Why would we not let ourselves do what we are gifted and created to do?

When we don’t listen to the truth about ourselves we are missing many opportunities to grow as individuals and to grow in the community of others. How many times have you been too afraid to do something because you feared rejection or just feared being yourself in the company of other people? When you reject the truth about what you feel and want to do you are missing opportunities to be yourself. You are creating a tension within you that will, over time, leave you feeling doubtful, unhappy and uncertain about life. Anger and resentment may also manifest themselves in you when you are not exercising your true spirit and nature.

I am sitting here in the early morning watching dozens of birds fly in and out of the cattails and willows. It is in my nature to be in nature. I will not deny that part of myself because when I do I am not being true to myself.

Learning to recognize your true potential does not simply mean knowing what job you should be doing, it implies much more than that. Your potential includes many aspects of who you are such as your likes and dislikes, your artistic and musical sides, your interests, your wants and desires, and so on. Please don’t confuse potential with work alone, it involves all parts of who you are as a person.

Listen to the truth of who you are and find time to experience yourself without fear of judgment.
It is possible to be ourselves in the company of those who, until now, have made us feel uncomfortable and less than happy about who we are. Ground yourself in the knowledge that because you want to be honest with who and what you are you will be happier and more successful in all things. Don’t miss another opportunity to be less angry, frustrated or disappointed.

Copyright@2008. 5Monkey Life Coaching

For information on working with David, Life Coach, you can contact him at (530) 903-2428 or
davrude@yahoo.com.

5monkey Life Coaching helps you get your life back on track and empowers you to learn more about yourself and to fully understand and appreciate your true potential. It will help you rediscover your dreams and goals. 5monkey Life Coaching will also help you identify the obstacles and challenges in your life that may be preventing you from developing successful relationships, finding that perfect job and/or reaching your dreams.

Not only does 5monkey serve the local areas of Folsom, Sacramento, El Dorado Hills, and El Dorado County, it also serves a global community of individuals in six states and seven countries.
To read previous newsletters go to www.5monkey.org/newsletters.php

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